To say we’re “in a weird place” right now is an understatement. We find ourselves living almost parallel lives. We have to go about our normal day-to-day routines; working, taking care of the kids, cooking, cleaning house, running 5k’s, ect..
And we have to do all this as if we aren’t in the middle of the biggest, most faith-stretching thing we have ever done in our whole lives. All the while, having to do a hundred million things pertaining to the adoption process,
AND putting our whole hearts into it, as it requires nothing less.
Since “officially” starting the process I’ve lived out two opposite extremes: The first was unhealthily letting the adoption consume my thoughts at every single moment to the point where I was completely overwhelmed and on the brink of tears at all times. Then I pulled back so far that I didn’t even allow myself to even think about the adoption for about two weeks. I am now somewhere in the middle, and it’s still tough to find the right balance. Honestly, ignoring the adoption was easier. I think apart of me is scared to put my whole heart into it, because of all the “WHAT IF”s… and I know this is just an excuse, a way to try to feel a little more comfortable and “in control” of a totally out of my control situation. God is in control… and he’s not asking me to do this for my comfort.
I heard a pastor once say that partial obedience to God is still disobedience. “Ok God, I’ll do pretty much what you ask…….” If we aren’t willing to give full submission to His will, we are ultimately saying we don’t fully trust Him. OUCH……
I heard a song in the car last year and God spoke to me through it. (NO, not “Jesus take the wheel” 😉 I don’t know what the writer of the song meant for it to be about, but for me, it is about our adoption journey. A letter and pledge to our daughter to pursue her and love her whole heartedly in the journey to bring her home.
You’re gonna have all of me: by Matt Hermit
Afraid to love, something that could break. Could I move on if you were torn away? I’m so close to what I can’t control, I can’t give you half my heart and pray He makes you whole.
You’re gonna have all of me, you’re gonna have all of me. You’re worth every fallen tear, you’re worth facing any fear. You’re gonna know all my love, even if it’s not enough. Enough to mend our broken hearts, but giving you all of me, is where I’ll start.
I won’t let sadness steal you from my arms. I won’t let pain keep you from my heart. I’ll trade the fear of all that I could lose, for every moment that I’ll share with you
You’re gonna have all of me, you’re gonna have all of me. You’re worth every fallen tear, you’re worth facing any fear. You’re gonna know all my love, even if it’s not enough. Enough to mend our broken hearts, but giving you all of me, is where ill start.
Heaven brought you to this moment, its too wonderful to speak. You’re worth all of me, you’re worth all of me. So let me recklessly love you, even if I bleed. You’re worth all of me, You’re worth all of me.
..giving you all of me, is where I’ll start.